Stephen Lovegrove Says Alignment is the Solution

Rebeccah [00:02:16] Thank you, Stephen. You have been a huge influence in my life and such a gift to my life, and I’m excited to share you with the world. Will you tell us what breakthrough means to you? What is breakthrough according to Stephen Lovegrove.

Stephen [00:02:33] So, you know that my whole foundational concept is that life happens from the inside out. Most people have it backwards. We’re trying to do it from the outside in, and that’s where we get stuck. And so, of course, I’m going to apply this concept to breakthrough as well. To me, a breakthrough is when something shifts in your awareness, in your mindset in your consciousness, where you see something that you didn’t see before, or you see something differently than you saw before. And that enables you to change things from the inside out. And that is the kind of breakthrough, you know, that has always worked for me and that I am here to create for others.

Rebeccah [00:03:18] Yeah. And the word consciousness, such an important word, and the word to see so important. That’s so much bigger than just mindset, because I feel like so many people understand, or they intellectually get that there’s a possibility that they could have and then they just don’t understand why they haven’t closed the gap between where they are and where they could be.

Stephen [00:03:43] Yeah, and you know, it’s interesting that consciousness word, it might sound overwhelming, it might sound a little woo woo for some people, but here is the easiest intro that I like to give to this conversation, right? What is the part of you that is alive? Because what many of us think of is our five senses, right? That’s how we think about being human and having a physical body. And what does it mean to be alive, right? But there is a part of you that is alive beneath those senses. And the thing that proves that is there are people who don’t have the sense of sight. They’re still alive. There are people who don’t have the sense of hearing. They’re still alive. There are people who… I mean with Covid. Ironically, many people lost their sense of smell and taste. Still alive. Right? And there have even been people where their heart temporarily stopped beating or their breath temporarily stopped flowing and they’re still alive. So, there’s something beneath all of the physical and all of the senses that is you. And there’s many words that we could use. In the environment that I grew up in they would have talked about soul more so, and I certainly resonate with that word as well. But I like to think of it as consciousness, that piece of you. That is the thing that is creating it all.

Rebeccah [00:05:05] I love it. Absolutely. A brilliant way to describe what it takes in terms of recognizing there is more in you as a prerequisite to breakthrough. So now talk to us about a personal story of breakthrough. Can you share with us where you were, what happened and where you ended up?

Stephen [00:05:26] Yeah, you know, I like to go back to the beginning days of my business because I know there are so many people listening who are starting something. Many people started something over the last year and just people in transition where they’re finding themselves in a new season working on something new. And so, I remember in the first year of my business, I needed things to work. And it was an unknown time, and it was a scary time. And, you know, my mom, who I love, would call me and say, you know, think about getting a real job. You know what I mean? She was not understanding that I was really going to get to where I wanted to go at that time. And it was a lot to process on the daily while still trying to show up. And I remember getting this concept that I had to show up in a new way if I wanted to get a new result. And the big thing that I had to learn was you have to show up in a new way consistently and persistently before the result changes, before the result shows up. And so, it’s a story I tell all the time, because it’s one of my favorite stories. But in that first year where things really took off, I vowed to myself that I would show up online three times a day as a coach, showing people who I was, what I was about, how I could help them. And this was back in the Periscope days. So a lot of those times were sitting in front of a camera and just talking. And I committed. This is what I was going to do, show up three times a day no matter what. Even when it seemed like nothing was working and nothing was changing and no results were showing up yet, because I believe if I kept showing up in a new way long enough, I would eventually get a new result. And I did. And it’s funny to look back on it, because I don’t know that there was one moment of that year where I would say that was the moment that I could feel the breakthrough. Like it’s hard to pinpoint sometimes when you’re living in it. But I look back in retrospect and I say that was the breakthrough year. And now the picture is clear. And I can see, you know, we felt that… my client roster and then doubled prices and did it again and did my first live events and hit a waitlist. But while it was happening, it felt chaotic. I just knew you have to show up in a new way to get a new result.

Rebeccah [00:07:52] Yeah. And I love the idea of it doesn’t necessarily have to be a breakthrough moment. It can be a breakthrough season.

Stephen [00:08:00] Absolutely.

Rebeccah [00:08:01] You’re sharing with us. So tell us more just about the process of breakthrough and what you teach to your clientele in your community that help them break through, because you’re really leaping people, you’re leaping people in a big, big way. You’re not helping them take baby steps. You’re helping them absolutely transform and metamorphose.

Stephen [00:08:22] So let’s unpack this and demystify this a little bit, because in the world of personal development, people love the term of quantum leap. And I’m all about it. You’re right. I do create big leaps for people and I want that to be the case. But what’s really happening there? So, when somebody uses the term quantum leap, what we’re talking about is you went from one life, from one set of circumstances to a very different one, usually, right? To a very different reality. And it didn’t take a whole bunch of time or a whole big delay or a whole process. You pretty quickly moved from this to this. What creates that, right? And again, I come back to my foundational truth here. You’re going to create that from the inside out, right? Because otherwise it doesn’t last. This is why there are people who they got lucky. They win the lottery. They blow up out of nowhere. And then very quickly, all the momentum dies. Right? That’s unsustainable because they didn’t create it from the inside out. So how do we make a quantum leap in a way that actually lasts? And I think the biggest thing that the people who do that successfully have in common is, you have to change the way you see yourself. There is something about the way you see you that keeps you creating that same life over and over again. And I think for many people listening today, the biggest breakthrough they might be able to have, is in the way they see themselves, because if you can see yourself in a new light, you’re going to start showing up differently. You’re going to start walking different, talking different, moving different. And once you do, that new person, that new version of you is going to inherently create a new life. But I think that’s the biggest thing that you just can’t do without in this process.

Rebeccah [00:10:14] And how does someone transform how they see themselves? And then, in my experience as a coach, it’s really only about five percent tweek needed. It isn’t changing who you are completely. It’s subtle. And then that is also very significant.

Stephen [00:10:35] So I think there’s three pieces here, and I’ll go through them very quickly. And fortunately, because this is a podcast, you can pause and write them down. You can rewind and listen again.

Rebeccah [00:10:47] Yeah.

Stephen [00:10:48] So number one, we’ve got to bring the subconscious stuff into our awareness, right? So there’s a lot of ways you see yourself that you don’t even consciously think about, but they’re in there. And I think the first place to look is getting all of that out. You can do that through tapping. You can do that through journaling. You can do that with a therapist, with a coach, with a mentor. But we’ve got to make, as Carl Young said, we’ve got to make the unconscious conscious or else it will direct our lives forever and we will call it fate. So that’s the first piece of things. Second of all, I like to take people back to universal law and principle, what I like to call capital T Truth, because that’s a deep place to be rooted in. And that goes deeper than just I choose to say this affirmation today, right? That’s being grounded in core truths, like I believe that love is all there is. I believe that nothing real can be threatened. I believe that everything in this universe is on my side and working together for my good. So, core universal principle is the second piece to me. And then the third piece is the vision piece. So where is it that you want to go and how do we need to make those tweaks, which, as you said, are often small. How do we need to make those tweaks specifically pertaining to where you want to go? And so, we were talking off air about tweaks that you had to make to even allow something like this podcast in. Those would be vision related tweaks. If I’m going to have a platform like this, I’m going to have to be willing to be seen. And that’s a decision I’m going to have to make. So those are three kind of places that I think that work really takes place usually.

Rebeccah [00:12:34] Yeah. So, consciousness again. And then what do you know to be true and what are universal laws that are unwavering in the midst of your chaotic transformation? And then the third piece, say it one more time.

Stephen [00:12:51] Yes. The vision. So, specific to you and where you want to go, notice the gaps there. Right? So if you want to be an actor, what are your beliefs around auditions? If you want to be a millionaire or a billionaire, what are your beliefs around people with a lot of money, et cetera. Right? Look at the specifics around your vision and the beliefs there.

Rebeccah [00:13:16] I love that because you’re taking it so much deeper than just what is it that you see for yourself? What is the truth about what you see for yourself and what that means to you now so that you can transform and break through what it means to you now into basically what it’s going to need to mean to you to be able to have it?

Stephen [00:13:37] Yeah, and I think that… here’s another definition of breakthrough, because I think with any true concept, as I’m sure your podcast demonstrates, there’s many ways we can look at a concept, many ways we can define something. So, another way I would define breakthrough is the removing of the blocks that stand between you and what you want. And I, as a coach and very clear with myself around, it’s really not about me in terms of the work that I do. It’s about my clients and getting you what you want. But the issue becomes sometimes there’s something there that we don’t see in the middle that’s standing in between, right? That’s standing in the way between us and what we want. And I know you know this because I’ll give an example I teach in one of my courses. So, there’s a phenomenon—and Victor Bock is who I first heard talking about this. And I was like, why are there seven thousand people talking about the law of attraction? And I only know one other person talking about this. But there’s this phenomenon that I have heard termed the Law of Repulsion.

Rebeccah [00:14:45] I’m so glad you’re going to talk about this.

Stephen [00:14:47] Well, because this is such a clear example of those blocks that we have to clear to create a breakthrough, right? So, law of repulsion says this: If you are a needy, addicted or attached to something, you’re actually going to push it away from you. And I wish everybody listening today would just have a breakthrough of awareness around this concept alone, that if you’re needy, addicted or attached to something, you’re going to push it away from you. There’s a lot of people doing a lot of work that they think they’re supposed to be doing for the law of attraction, right? They’re doing the affirmations, they’re doing the journaling, they’re doing the hypnosis. But then they haven’t even heard of this. And so there’s so much addiction and need and lack and obsession and attachment to the thing that they want. It’s actually become a block. It’s actually pushing the thing away. And so, the question then becomes not, how do I want it more? The question becomes, how do I let go? Because my attachment is now a block standing in the way. And so those are the kinds of things that I want to look for, is what is keeping you from getting what you want. Let’s get that out of the way, because I want you to have what you want.

Rebeccah [00:16:04] I love that. And actually, earlier this season, we had an episode where I riffed on this topic around needing to be needed and how when we need to be needed, we’re creating a wall and a barrier between ourselves and other people. And that also applies to our dreams when we’re super needy and attached. You’re keeping it from showing up faster and just imagine how close what it is that you’re wanting is instead of imagining it as really far away. I mean, what would you say about how close we are and we don’t even realize it, Stephen?

Stephen [00:16:42] Yeah, well, this is a tricky one to answer, because I know that I’ve certainly been there, we all have; you have what you want but the dream feels far away. And there’s a lot of things people can say, well, that may be true in principle, don’t feel good to hear at that time, right? But what I do know to be true on a spiritual level is, everything has already been created on the quantum field, right? So the idea exists. The vibration exists. The possibility exists. And your job is to figure out how do I get in alignment with that to create the conditions for that to occur within my energy field? It’s already out there. How do I? It’s almost like knowing that the channel HDTV exists, but you don’t have the package. So you don’t have to invent HDTV. But your job is to figure out how do I get the cable package that holds the space and has the frequency of HDTV? And I think that I don’t know what led to share this metaphor today. There’s many, many, many metaphors I love; you know that. But a metaphor that for whatever reason I feel really led to share is I think a lot of times these experiences we go through are like trying to deal with water. And if you can imagine—this is the energy of attachment, right? If you can imagine trying to grasp on to water like you’re in the ocean or you’re in a lake and you’re going to grasp on to the water and hold on tight. That is going to be the most frustrating experience ever, because the water is going to slip out and evade you every time. But if you let it flow, the water knows how to flow. And so for everybody who is wrestling with a desire, a dream, a goal, and they feel frustrated with it right now, I want you to look for a place that you might be trying to hold on to water. And it’s literally doing that. You’re just clenching your fist tightly with no room to receive. And what might happen if you trusted that things know how to flow and you let it flow and you saw what happened then?

Rebeccah [00:19:00] I love it. And we don’t have to figure out how to get there, figure out how to get in alignment. That’s a huge distinction.

Stephen [00:19:08] Yeah, and I think, you know, in some ways, I think it makes our lives easier because it’s not like you have to, you know, do the undoable and create what has never been created before and et cetera. You just have to get to a different frequency than the one you’ve been living at. And I think about—it’s been years since I’ve seen this movie, so I don’t remember the exact language they used—but I remember seeing that Disney adaption of A Wrinkle in Time, the literature classic that came out a few years ago. And I remember them talking about we just have to find the frequency. That’s all we have to do. If we can find the frequency, we’ve got it. And that goes back to a different law, which is love correspondence, which says whatever is happening within you will be happening without. There’s always a direct correspondence. And so if you get there within, you will see it without.

Rebeccah [00:20:04] Yeah. And stay in the consistency. Stay in the commitment without teetering back and forth between this might work and this might work out. That’s what you’re modeling, I think, so beautifully today.

Stephen [00:20:20] Well, and I think that—and I hope this encourages people—everybody you respect that has created something epic in the world had a moment where they were willing to look delusional to create it. And there’s a lot of us who don’t want to go there, right? We don’t want to have to believe when it looks like nothing is working. We don’t want to have to keep at it when it feels like a waste of time. But everybody who’s created something epic in the world, they had one of those moments where they said, you know, there’s no evidence of this yet and I’m still going to declare it. I’m still going to believe it. I’m still going to show up in this way. And if you’re… you know, to me, it’s not often delusion in those moments. It’s vision. And when you understand that everything great was created from a vision, you’re willing to hold the vision even when you just see it in here.

Rebeccah [00:21:15] I love it. And I really believe that if you have the vision, you have what it takes to get aligned enough to create it. You wouldn’t see it if it isn’t possible for you. And that might sound idealistic, but I don’t care. Try it on.

Stephen [00:21:31] Well, and this is where we go back to those core spiritual truths, right. What kind of world do you believe we live in? What kind of universe? What do you believe about God, source, life, whatever language resonates with you? I personally do not believe that there’s a cruel joker out there who gives us desires and dreams that we can never have, just to taunt us, just, you know, just to punish us. I believe if the thought, if the idea, if the dream is within you, it is there for a reason and there is a path you can access, that will allow it to unfold.

Rebeccah [00:22:11] Would you say step in that having the ability to connect to your own roots in your own wings is a universal principle or is that different?

Stephen [00:22:23] So here’s what’s interesting about that. You know, I teach that, interestingly enough, in the context of business and branding and specifically high-level marketing. And so Roots and Wings came to me as a concept because companies like Louis Vuitton and the marketing firms that they employ, they think about that, right? And I love looking at the case studies of where did somebody forget their roots, where did somebody not have wings? And there are so many examples in business, right? A company like Kodak or a Blockbuster, they often struggle to find the wings and embrace them, right? But then there’s also many examples of companies who forgot their roots. I always use the example. In the 90s, when Vegas added a ton of family and children’s entertainment, it backfired on them. And they actually lost a lot of high rollers, many of whom still go internationally to gamble because they forgot their roots and what the city was supposed to be about. And so I learned the concepts are a business plan. But the more I’ve lived into it, the more I think it really does articulate a spiritual truth. And this balance, this paradox that we all must find, which is on the one hand, you’ve got to be deeply rooted in something, right? There has to be a foundation there where you know who you are and nothing you’re going through can change that. So, you need the roots, but also you stop growing and you stagnate if you lose touch and you don’t have any wings. And so, I do think it’s a spiritual principle and it’s going to look different for everyone. But we all have got to be grounded with some roots. And in order to keep growing and expanding, we all have got to have some brains.

Rebeccah [00:24:12] And how would someone find their wings, Stephen, if they’re not sure what they are? Where to find them?

Stephen [00:24:22] So a lot of this has to do with safety and permission. What I find is that the whispers of the vision are really there inside all of us. But many of us have repressed them. We’ve trained ourselves not to listen. We’re simply not in the habit of listening, right? And so, what I’m always looking for with a client is if you feel disconnected from vision, what do we need to do to create space so that the vision can begin speaking to you again and you can hear it. And one of those pieces is safety. If somebody doesn’t feel safe and secure in their body and their nervous system in their life, it’s very hard to access vision level consciousness. Right? And Abraham Maslow said this ages ago, that if you don’t have those foundational levels, you’re not going to be able to live on the plain of changing the world and creating and all of these things. So, safety can be a big one. Also, permission. This is why people often do journaling exercises like what if there were no limitations? What if you had the money? What if everything was possible? What if your parents didn’t have to know? What if? And we asked these kinds of prompts to remove the places where you haven’t given yourself permission to go there. And so, often—I know that’s not a super easy, quick fix answer—but often those are the things we have to do to let the vision speak in a way that we can hear it.

Rebeccah [00:25:51] I love it. Thank you, Stephen. What homework would you have for our audience?

Stephen [00:25:58] Oh, OK. This is an on the spot question, so I’m going to intuitively tap in here. Sense this is a breakthrough themed show. I love a good journaling assignment. Those are some of the most life changing things my own coach has ever given to me. And so, I think a journaling exercise here could be really powerful for anyone who feels called to do it. I would write out what is the breakthrough that I desire to see question one, and I would really get specific. Not, you know, how or more money… I want you to get specific. How would we know that breakthrough had occurred? What is the breakthrough that I desire to see? Then I would journal through what thoughts and feelings do I notice within myself as I think about that breakthrough. And that’s going to allow you to start bringing some of this subconscious stuff to the surface. And don’t be scared of it. Just observe, observe, observe whatever comes up. And then the third and final question I want you to journal through is, who would I be on the other side of this breakthrough? Because I have already seen in consciousness, a version of you on the other side. Let’s go there. Let’s connect to that. Let’s feel that. Who is the version of you on the other side? And those questions should stoke some really good things.

Rebeccah [00:27:28] So good. Final thoughts, Stephen, on breakthrough.

Stephen [00:27:33] I just want to say, for the encouragement of anybody out there who a breakthrough feels far away. We’ve all been there. And this is just a moment. You’re not going to be here forever. It’s not going to be like this forever. The breakthrough that feels impossible is still within reach, it’s still possible. It’s closer than you think. So please don’t give up on yourself. Please don’t give up on your dreams and be willing and brave enough to show up in a new way so you can get a new result.

Rebeccah [00:28:04] Thank you, Stephen. How do people get in touch with you?

Stephen [00:28:08] Yeah, well, I love Instagram. It’s an easy one stop shop to find me, so I’m Dr. Lovegrove on Instagram. That’s D-R-L-O-V-E-G-R-O-V-E. And one thing I particularly love, I know you and I are connected this way as well, but I have a community text number and I read every single message. I reply to almost all of them. Sometimes things get a little busy or people send me something crazy. And I’m like, you’re not getting a response. But I would love to hear from you there and I would love to send you encouraging messages there. So feel free to find me on Insta. Feel free to say hello and text me. And I believe in you. I’m here to keep believing.

Rebeccah [00:28:52] Thank you for listening to the Tougher Together, Breakthrough podcast with me, your host, Rebeccah Silence, and today’s special guest, Stephen Lovegrove. Breakthroughs possible for you. Stay committed. Allow yourself to see yourself on the other side of where you are now and where you want to be. Breakthrough is your right.

Rebeccah [00:29:30] Please note that the content of this podcast is not meant to be therapeutic or to replace any personal growth work that you are already doing with a coach, therapist, or mentor. Take the content, have it inspire you, and then keep working with your support system. Breakthrough is your right. Breakthrough reminds us that we’re tougher together and that we’re connected to possibility even in the most challenging and possibly darkest times. I’m Rebeccah Silence, creator of Healing is Possible and proud host of the Tougher Together, Breakthrough podcast where we come together and we tell stories of real breakthrough that exist for you as well. Get ready to break through, get ready to live more free, and get ready to experience more breakthrough. Because that’s your right. Join us on the Life’s Tough Media website and stay tuned for more. If you want to get in touch with me, visit rebeccahsilence.com. Your time is now. Your breakthrough begins now.