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Ghazala Jabeen is a nurturing business coach that empowers both men and woman leaders in their professional journey. In this episode Dr. Christina Rahm explores what it takes to overcome and create your own mission in life.
Dr. Christina Rahm
Dr. Rahm [00:00:01] He asked me to put my phone on Do Not Disturb. I was like, I don’t know.
Dr. Jabeen [00:00:04] But yeah, mine is on that mode.
Dr. Rahm OK.
Dr. Jabeen [00:00:08] Oh, Christina, we have to get you in this and this technical world of ours.
Dr. Rahm [00:00:15] My son’s laughing at me. OK. All right. You ready? Welcome back to this episode of Scientifically Beautiful, today we get to talk to someone who I absolutely adore, who I’m working on a project when in Cyprus, she is an amazing businesswoman, person, mother and friend. Just beautiful over all person she really is. Her name is Ghazala Jabeen and she is joining me today. I call her Ghaz, but her real name is Ghazala. And I just want to say hi and thank you so much for being on the show.
Dr. Jabeen [00:01:08] Thank you so much, Christina, for having me here with you. And what a lovely introduction as well. That’s beautiful. Thank you.
Dr. Rahm [00:01:15] Well, just so you know, Ghaz, this is the… well, I meant what I said, number one and then number two, this is the Life is Tough but You can be Tougher network. But we’re talking about science and medicine throughout the world, but we’re also incorporating how we get to where we are in life. And I still remember the first time I met you and I just loved you instantly because of your heart, and we had a connection with different things that we have gone through and you’ve had a much different life than me. But it hasn’t been easy. Mine hasn’t either, and we came together on this beautiful science medical project, which we’re going to talk about later. But I want to start by talking about you, and I want to talk a little bit about your life. Whatever you want to tell the audience, what you’ve been on this journey, and why it’s been tough, and how you used different skills and different things inside of you to get through that. So, I’d love to start there. If that’s OK.
Dr. Jabeen [00:02:16] That’s beautiful. And of course, I will do with pleasure. And yeah, you know, when we connected as well, Kristina, that energy, you feel people’s energy that you feel at home to open up. And that’s what I felt with you that I felt a sense of calm to be myself, totally stripped of all barriers and protective layers that people put on in front of people. I didn’t feel one bit about that with you because everything that I said, everything that I spoke just came naturally from friend to friend, heart to heart and people talk about religion and people talk about, don’t talk about religion. But for me, humanity is what I what my faith is, is one heart to another and reaching out and caring. And that’s what it is. And I think my humble beginnings, if I can just share a little bit about that with you. I was actually born in Pakistan, OK, I was born in Pakistan. I was brought up by my grandmother out in the country life, of a very village life, and we didn’t even have things like toilets. We had to go down the road, down the lane and into the country, into the field and get on with it. That’s kind of the basic side of it. And you know, when my father who wanted to give us children a better life, he, my dad was already in the UK and he wanted to bring his young family over to the UK, he was working and wanted to provide for them a better place. And my father’s background was also teaching Urdu and Arabic and education also helped empower. And Father was needing to do that because his English wasn’t very good and he had to get a job and some money and create a space for us as a family to come over. I remember when I came in 1976 to the UK not speaking a word of English. I remember leaving Pakistan an oil lit lantern by my grandmother, sending me with a little tandoori chicken and some chapati, and I would eat that at the airport before I leave my country forever. Possibly, maybe return to visit her. I remember her little picnic little lunchbox that she prepared for me. And I remember we ate that, but knowing I’m going to say goodbye to the country, I was born in no way going to fly on a jet, the six-and-a-half-year-old kid now going into this unknown territory like alien to me. I remember the emotion of, I was brought up by my grandmother, more so than my mum and dad, and now my world was going to change. When I came to the UK, I remember arriving at Heathrow. When you think about a child at six and a half leaving an oil lit lantern and you suddenly got like Blackpool lights because the motorway was lights and lights and camera lights everywhere were lights. I never seen so much light in all my life, and we get to our place of destination was in a place called Burton upon Trent in Staffordshire, where my father lived and worked. First he worked for Pirelli, the tire company, and we got there and I said, this is really funny, so I’m going to share a little bit of funny bit here with you. I remember I said over the long journey, I said, I need to go to the toilet and they took me outside the house and there was an outhouse and they said, there it is, the toilet. And I went, oh, my God, and then they went to put the light on and left. Now bearing in mind, I only really knew you went down the field and got away. And now I’m sitting there staring at a pedestal thing with a big cistern and a pool thing and a chain and how do you get on this damn thing? But I was like, I know I was going to go to a different country but this is very alien to me. Six-year-old mind thinking, how do they climb on this thing? What do you do? And anyway, so in my adventure, I used to have the milk crates. I got the other side of it, put it down, put my feet on it, stepped on it, and I stepped onto what people put the bottom on and I was let my feet on it trying to get on this thing. Anyway, don’t visualize it too much.
Dr. Rahm [00:06:19] Ghaz I’m just used to it, because I understand, because you were used to. It’s like when I first went to Nigeria, to China, there’s… the whole… it’s so different, you know, you’re like, oh, how do you know.
Dr. Jabeen [00:06:36] I was squatting on this thing. I thought I’m going to lose balance. I’m going to fall off this pedestal. But it’s not… all I could think was, I want to go back to Pakistan. This British people can’t make toilets properly, why can’t we just have something simple. Anyway, I was already getting on and getting on and doing my thing, and then I couldn’t get off it. And then I took such a long time. The family came open the door and then they find me. This was not the best plan in the house for the whole family to see me stuck anyway, long and short of it. I cried because I didn’t like it, and my auntie said it’s not that bad. So, she showed me how one sits on it. Oh, that’s quite easy. Why didn’t anybody tell me that. Actually, maybe we got it wrong back home? So that was my first funny experience about the British life. Beyond that, and I’m going to share with you something that was a little bit more close to heart when we talk about cultures and we’re now in a different culture. The one thing was that when I first went outside of the home on the following days and all I could see was a lot of white people and I was looking at my brown skin and suddenly I realized there was a difference and a six-year-old kid now thinking about this. I came home thinking, Yeah, it’s a different planet I’ve arrived at. And I remember my auntie, she was cleaning up and she had some bleach and it fell onto carpet tiles and the tiles changed color. So, there we go. My, if I put that bleach on me or have it, I could change color and be like them, this is what we call trying to fit in on the scene.
Dr. Rahm Yeah.
Dr. Jabeen Right? So, I’ve got the bottle of bleach. Fortunately, I didn’t drink it. Fortunately, I put it on my hand, and I tried to see if my color would change. My goodness, it didn’t change, but it wasn’t so [inaudible]. I was like, well, that didn’t work. So, if I leave my little…
Dr. Rahm I could just see you, as a little girl. I could just see you doing it, Ghaz.
Dr. Jabeen And honestly, my little self, trying to be the same as the rest. And it is the little things that people don’t realize. The mind of a young child trying to fit in somewhere. They talk about youngsters and the programing of their mind to what makes them to where they are in life later in the fight for where they are. So, this is sharing to where I came from to where I am today. So, moving on a few more years into the space of, eventually kind of making home in the UK. That was even though I came six and a half. I was 10 years old when I could string three words to a sentence and my first sentence was, I want this. That sentence has never changed.
Dr. Rahm [00:09:21] Ghaz! I think that works on Jurgen.
Dr. Jabeen [00:09:28] And I’ve never changed it. When I’m on something, I’ll say I want it. Now go get it. So that is a good programing word. For the first…
Dr. Rahm [00:09:34] I was going to say, what a great lesson. I know this sounds horrible because it wasn’t fun then when you were little. But like, I even think in this world of the vaccine and the virus, people are ostracized on one side or the other, right? Everyone’s like, you need to look like me now, you need to do what I’m doing. That was a great lesson for you to learn that you can’t be like everyone else, right? You’re you. And I’m sure just the strength and love I always feel from you, I’m sure those lessons helped you become who you are. I want to hear more though, this is really interesting to me because I haven’t heard this part, and I also really do want you to talk about the hate crimes and some of the other… Because your story is amazing, Ghaz. Like you literally have gone through things that I mean, it’s… I know this sounds horrible to say that your strength because of what you’ve endured is something people need to hear so that you can encourage them. Do you know what I mean? And give them help.
Dr. Jabeen [00:10:30] Absolutely. And this is something that you don’t realize at the time that your story one day will be the hope and faith for people to move into, but at that time, it’s quite a challenge for you and your own little world trying to come through that if you like. And it’s like a big jungle, but you don’t have the machete to cut your way out into the light again. But we do. We do somehow find our way. And for me, my little milestones of the changes that kind of got me to the strength that I am right now is that one part was that in a school of a mixed school, my father came home and said, you’ll be very pleased to know that all the Muslim girls now can wear the traditional outfits now because the headmaster and the head deputy mistresses have agreed that you could wear your Asian outfits and head covered and all the rest. Our normal School uniform was a pinafore dress. As long as my legs were covered, that was it. And I said to my dad, why would I need to wear that dad? And I’m perfectly well dressed in my tidy uniform. My dad said yes, but it’s the girl’s dignity, pride and keeping herself from it and head covered and everything it’s our cultural outfit and we’ve agreed, it took us a lot of talk to do it. Well, I realized that, that didn’t really validate with me and I said, well you don’t think I’m going to wear it dad do you, because I’m not. Well, that was my first encounter with an argument with dad. My dad was a teacher, a very intelligent man in his own way, and our upbringing was quite good. Not awful for me in that way, but I suddenly found I was arguing against something that was some strong feeling and a belief in me. So, I said, Dad, you’re saying that it’s about dignity and being good, and I know different. So, here’s my challenge with you, dad. You go and find a time in the week of a school, drop us off at the front gates, you choose a time between 10:30 and 11 at the back of the gates and have a look and observe and then we’ll have a chat and then I’ll tell you why I’m not wearing the outfit that you fought for in the Muslim world. My dad thought that was very feisty of me to kind of, he said, are you arguing? I said, no, I want to validate something with you dad. And I did. And so, dad came home and he said, OK, I see what you mean. And what I was trying to say to him is this, the Muslim girls coming from Muslim backgrounds? Very, very strong religious backgrounds, head to toe covered in their Asian outfits, scarves covered, and they’re wrapped up in that. The minute they got out of the back gates; the outfits went out the window. They went with the boys in the car and they were out of school. They were just having a great time with that guy. And I turned around and I said, you see, dad, I don’t need an outfit to be a good girl. The good girl is in my heart, I don’t need an outfit. And I could validate it and I was the only girl in a secondary school, in a Muslim in society that actually broke barriers the first time to actually break silence and break the mold and be outspoken and validate it.
Dr. Rahm [00:13:22] And he let you do that?
Dr. Jabeen [00:13:24] He, yeah, he did, because I had a valid point, because I had evidence. And you know, that’s why they say, if you can validate something you have, it’s like you are a scientist when you show and prove and you validate something and you give proof to why it is what it is and what it does. I realized in my little naivete that I could share with dad why I wasn’t going to wear it, because look at the girls that are wearing it, I’m not giving it the respect it was meant to be for. So, dad, I don’t need it. So, the second thing was the second biggest milestone was after I finished, after I made sure I qualified, I studied because dad wanted us to be proud. And you can’t have a TV till you all pass your exams. And well, I want a TV and this latest TV dad couldn’t get us and we better pass our exams, which we worked hard and did. And then I said, I’m going to go to sixth form to which my Big Brother turned around and said, you’re not going to go study any further. I said why not? He said, well, because you’re going to probably be sent to Pakistan and marry some elephant driver, and that’ll be the end of you. I went, Not really. He said, what do you mean? I said, well, no, because I want to study further. What was the point of dad telling us that we need to do this when really, you’re telling me I’m not because I’m going to be, what good would that have been? So, my brother turned around and said to me, you know what? You’re getting a bit too big for your boots. I think at this rate, you carry on, argue with me, you’re going to get a smack. I said, oh, yeah, who’s going to smack me? He said, I am. I said, well, I’m going to go to study anyway, and you’re not my dad and I’m going to go study so there. Next thing what happened? I was punched in the face and my brother nearly broke my cheekbone. He punched me straight because he wanted to prove and that was the power of the Muslim man in a household where women, a lot of them have not been able to step out and speak because their voice was suppressed. And my story Christina is from suppression to expression as I speak today. So, I was just suppressed in a cultural society, cultural limitations for a voice that really wanted to say something. But it was… I was punched because education was not allowed. So, I fought for my education, and a lot of people don’t know where I am today is how hard it was for me to fight for education. When these days, education that is given in abundance and people don’t educate and take it on. And you know something? Again, I went my own way. I did my education. I went to college. I went to university. I did what I said I was going to do and nothing, no punch in the face, no hit and anything. I was doing it. The next big challenge for me was apart from growing beyond that. It’s not something you always know, but things happen in your life, and I got a job and I was doing good and all the rest of it. And then I fell in love with an Englishman. It has happened. It was not…
Dr. Rahm [00:16:12] Your family. Were they OK with you going to college when you finally…?
Dr. Jabeen [00:16:16] Yeah, they were fine. My dad used to drop me off at college and even when I told him about my brother hitting me, my dad said, well, that was not good. And that’s all I got because the guys got away with it and girls didn’t. So anyway, my dad was fine and I did study. And my brother didn’t really. He didn’t like the fact that he lost to me in that sense that I still got to study, even though he hit me. Nevertheless, it didn’t matter because I studied. I did good and my dad could see the results I was getting were terrific and I passed. My dad was happy, he’s a teacher and he was happy that I was doing, you know, bringing good results. Yeah, he was. That said, my dad was fine. I think the pressures of the community are more that they try to live with than their own [inaudible]. And then…
Dr. Rahm [00:16:58] I think a lot of that goes sometimes in everything in life. It’s what other people are thinking and what you actually think. You know what I mean? But anyway, go ahead because I was very interested in that. I… because I know that it’s like the Christian faith, right? Or the Muslim, whichever religion you look at, there’s this belief in some of those groups. So, it’s hard to overcome… me being from the South, I understand some of this belief system. But go ahead. So, you fell in love with that…
Dr. Jabeen [00:17:26] I fell in love, which was not quite intended, but it just happened. And this man happened to be a white man and this was where the disaster was going to start happening. So, if there was ever a point in my life, you could say or ask me was the most crucial critical life and death situation in my life. This was the point. And this is what happened. I was merrily getting on with my work, getting on with that. And of course, I fell in love with the Englishman and he showed an interest with me. It’s a company I work for, but his golden rule was never to mess with staff. So, when he actually sold the company, we connected afterwards and I said, hey, didn’t you say that we could go for a picnic? He said, you serious, I thought, I didn’t think you were, really? Oh my God, yes. So, we had a date and I said that, you know that this is lovely and all this, on the other hand. And I laid the situation, the lay of the land for him to say that I shouldn’t really be as a Muslim girl should not be going out with you and all that and blah blah blah. And he said, well, what happens? I said, well, no, because, you know, we have to be married. He said, well, how do I go about asking for your hand in marriage? I said what? He says I love you; I want to marry you. And what do I have to do? I said, well, if you want to speak to my father to ask for my hand in marriage, you will have your neck off the line. You will be beheaded. Do you know how serious the Muslim culture is? I said they don’t take it lightly. This is honor killings. This is serious stuff. So, my husband said, we’re in a western world. We’re in the U.K. we have British law. We are in a civilized country. This is not back home. This is the law of the land. They couldn’t really kill their own daughter. I said, oh my God, they wouldn’t think twice.
Dr. Rahm Is that right?
Dr. Jabeen That is so right. And so many girls have gone adrift and so many girls have been sedated and sent to Pakistan to marry. So many girls have been bashed every energy out of them to be suppressed in a society where they’re actually choked and kept there. And here I am. Stepping out of boundaries that were life and death risk stuff. So, Martin said, well, what do I have to do? I said, well, the only thing I can see that could happen is if we speak to the Muslim peers, the community leaders, to see if we can find out what’s the best way to speak to mom and dad because they’re the peers. They are the mosque people, the leaders. Let’s at least speak to them. So, he said, right. So, we went and arranged a meeting with one of the Muslim leaders within the community, and they have a high ranking in their religious way. And we spoke and told him. And so, he said, I will speak with your father and I’ll explain that you want to marry. But do you know that Martin would have to become a Muslim in order to marry you? I said he’s fine with that because Martin was fine with that. He said, I don’t care what it takes, I want to marry you what have I got to do, anyway, so we did and this is where it goes wrong. So far, so good. The plan was all to abide by rules of the culture, the religion, the want, the need, the love, the whole thing and is supposed to be that you follow the best path to what you would like your desired… the outcome. So, the priest that was going to speak to my father on my say. So, I got home from work. After I said goodbye to having seen Martin, I said, Martin, you may never see me again because if this gets out now, I may be dead, I may be dead and I may never see you again. Just know that I love you deeply and sincerely, and mom and dad are going to know tonight and tomorrow I may not be here, we’ll see. If I’m meant to be here, I will be, If I’m not, I’m not. And so, when I got home knowing this is the big time, this has been the biggest point in my life [inaudible]. I go home, and my father… The call came from the mosque asking to speak to my dad, dad came home I said Dad you’ve been called to the mosque. It’s an urgent meeting. Dad went off, came home. And what happened is the Muslim priest said to my dad, well your girl has spoken to us, she wants to marry a white man. Yes, he wants to be a Muslim. But listen, we got to nip it in the bud. Stop this happening, because what kind of message are we going to give to other Muslim girls in this society of ours? We got to stop this and you got to stop your girl even to think that, we ought to stop it. And it backfired on me. What the people I trusted in my Muslim peers, it backfired. So, when my dad came home, he called my mom into the other room. My mom then came back. Dad stayed in the other room. I was in the kitchen. I was cooking. My mom came in the kitchen and she said, Turn the gas off. Come and sit in here and I want you to sit in here like straight in my face. Look me in the eyes. Mom went in the other room. I turned the gas off. I opened the drawer with the knives, I closed the drawer with the knives. I said my final prayer and I said, if this is it, this is it. This is it. I’ll say a prayer before I die as I go into the other room. This is like literally the slaughterhouse that I felt I was going to go into. My mom asked me to look her straight in the eye and said, your father’s been called to the mosque to be told that you want to marry a white man twice your age. Tell me that they’ve got it wrong. Tell me that is not true. I had two choices, Christina. One choice was to say, no, it’s not true and find a moment and elope. The second was to sit there and have that knife across my throat.
Dr. Rahm Yeah.
Dr. Jabeen I looked at my mum’s face. I looked for what she wanted to hear, I saw and felt my heart beating to the last probably beat that was going to beat. And I looked at her and I said, Mom it’s true. Because dad always said that honesty was the best policy, and if it meant my life going in front of me, then so be it. I just couldn’t lie to my mom and dad because I love them so much, I couldn’t lie because we’ve been brought that to lie was it just was not acceptable for anybody because you got to face whoever you got to face and you’ve got to face yourself and the lie and you can’t do it. And when you’re when you have that instilled in you as a child to be an honest speaking person, it’s programed in this. So, I was willing to take the life and put the life on the line to have the guillotine come right across my neck. I was happy to do that well I wasn’t happy, but I chose to do that. Long and short of that story, because I am doing another book of that, which is the trilogy which will be covering Pakistan to India, eastern to western and then the elopement side of things. And that’s more detail. So just to cut it short, so what happened is back and forth of it. My mom and dad rang Pakistan because that night was a nightmare of the situation. They didn’t know what to do. My dad just wanted to kill me. I remember being sent to the main bedroom where mom and dad, it was like a pull up bed thing and they wanted to keep an eye on me. I locked my own bedroom so that Martin’s letters were there and I thought if they find them they’re going to go and kill him. So, I locked the room, say, I can’t find the key. I didn’t know what, whether to swallow the key, what to do with the key. I buried the key at the side of the skirting board under the carpet in the main bedroom so that I just don’t know, and they could never find it. By the time they hunted, they couldn’t because whatever would happen would happen. It was time, I just needed time for the morning. And then when I had covered myself in the duvet frightened to death, all I could feel was the pillow going to come over my head. I’m going to be not. I’m going to be suffocated. But because I was under the duvet for so long, I needed to get air. So, when I pulled my duvet back to get some air, my mom and dad’s face was staring at me, Look, what like what? I’m going to be dead? I’m going to be dead and it’s scary, right? You see these movies, but this was serious, and I was thinking, oh damn, they’re going to kill me. Oh my God, I’ve got to go back in the duvet. I got to stay there I’m going to suffocate. I’m going to either suffocate on my own under the duvet because I could not breathe or I’m going to suffocate with a pillow or the knife, I don’t care, but I’m not going to be here tomorrow. Yeah, it was crazy. It was crazy. Scary. I’m looking at it now and thinking, oh my God, my little 20-year-old, what was I thinking? Anyway, long and short of it was, morning came and my sister came and I was like, Am I in heaven or hell? My sister, is she an angel or is she real? But like, I didn’t know where it was. It was horrible. My sister came. She said, Hey, you OK? I said, Are you real? She said what do you mean? Don’t be stupid, of course I’m real. I said, oh, can you go get me some milk and chocolate digestive biscuit because I’m starving. So, she went and got it. And then she said, I don’t want to talk to you because they’re going to kill me. They’re going to kill you. We might both be dead. I shouldn’t be talking to you anyway. I said, OK. But the interesting thing I haven’t said to you is that knowing what it was going to happen is I had actually put a plan in place, which was the police protection. Martin had his police side things in place. I had spoken to my family doctor and said by the following day, I may be a dead body in there, he has to come and check it out. You can call the police upon it. It would… There will be… If I’m dead, you will have seen that. That would have been the happenings of honor killings taking place at the house. They were aware of that. And sure enough, on a Thursday morning, the doctor came to the house to investigate if I was alive or dead and if the police case had to happen or what, she found me and alive, thankfully, and I gave her an envelope with Martins details. So, take it out of the house that was gone. Then Martin had rung and I was like, oh my God, what is he doing? My dad came back long and short now. I will skip this. It got to the point where they had chosen to send me to Pakistan to have an arranged marriage. The following week. This was Thursday, Friday my father phoned Pakistan for the 10 marriage proposals I had and he declined. He… one of them, he phoned. He said, yes, our daughter’s ready for the marriage, we’ll sort out the passport, we’re going to send her over. Now, normally, when a girl can’t do that, they normally would sedate the girl and send them down. And at this point my passport was being done, Martin wanted to see me, he made the phone call. I arranged to see Martin on Monday. I’m cutting some stuff. Tuesday, Martin handed me a piece of paper. I said, what is this? He said it’s a special marriage license. I said, what does that mean? Is that we get married next week? He said, No, the day after tomorrow. I said what? He said, just go get what you need. I’ll see you on Thursday. So, within a week of me saying what I said and then on Thursday, the day I went off to leave home, my car wouldn’t start. I’ve got my whole runaway kit in my car, I’m outside my house. My little car won’t work and my dad’s going to come. He’s going to see the stuff in my car. He knows what I’m going to do. If I wasn’t dead before, I will be now. You know, it’s like that. And then I throttle my car an engine until the car got going. I said my goodbye to the house, mom, dad in that mental space. Top of the road parked outside the mosque. And I said my one big prayer. They say faith within you, right, and my prayer was I haven’t asked for anything much in my life before. If there was one thing I want right now is that power of God to be with me and the strength to carry me through the journey, I want to go. That’s all I needed was that strength for that day. And I got that strength. I met up with Martin. And then as we were driving off to leave to get married, Martin could see that I was in tears. He stopped the car, reversed into a little side street main road there, left and right, and switched the engine off. He said, hey, I need to say something very important to you. And this is one of the biggest lessons I learned in my life, he says, as much as I want to marry you, I want you to marry me because you want to marry me, not because I want you to marry me. I don’t want you later on to say, I did this for you. I want you to do this because you want to do this. And I, as a father, I also know that hurt the parents will be going through. And here’s the one thing I love you enough to let you go back. If you want to go back, I will let you go back. I will drive you back even if I have to live with the hurt of a love that I lost, but I will do that. And I thought mom and dad are fighting for which marriage I was going to go. Martin willing to let me go back to wherever I want, even if he loses his love. I said Martin I love you. Let’s turn right. Let’s get married. 3:30 that afternoon we said, I do. He said not one single hair of your head. Anybody going to touch my wife? And the law of the land, ain’t nobody going to touch you. I’ll see. I’ll see that right. I will phone. I will write to your father and let him know you’re in safe hands and I’ll take care and one day we’ll make amends. He did that. That evening, we went to the police station. We had to put a police protection on the home to protect my mom in law. We had to stay in hiding with police protection, and the whole of the Cheshire Police Constabulary had emergency codes on their computer systems. Anywhere we were in danger, we’d phone 999 gave the code protection came within us as an emergency. We stayed in hiding for so long. All that happened, we were married. It took long. There’s lots of bits. But anyway, Martin and I, mom and dad, both shall be back in six days, six weeks. Well, you know what? I never went back. Martin and I through all the stuff that we went through lived a really happy life. A very happy life with three beautiful children and no wish of mine was ever left unfulfilled. Everything and beyond in abundance and the love that was shared was incredible and it was the best life risk I ever took in my life.
Dr. Rahm That’s amazing, Ghaz. Did you ever go back and see your parents?
Dr. Jabeen Yes, it took four and a half years because my dear grandmother who ventured from Pakistan to England because she was going blind in one eye, was coming to have an operation on the other eye, and she said, Look, I could lose the other side as well. But the little apple of my eye that left me in the Little [inaudible] village. I want to see her. I don’t care whether she’s married a green man, yellow man, a Martian, whatever. She didn’t care. She was like, I want to see my girl because you were my little baby and I want to see her because if I lose the sight, I would never have known what she’s grown into a beautiful woman. If she has where she is, what the life is, I want to see her. You look and fight whatever. But she’s my girl. I want you to take me to her, and she’s the one that bridged the gap between mom and dad. And when she saw me and she said, and there they thought you were the little ugly duckling. Look at you, my child.
Dr. Rahm [00:32:01] Oh my goodness, Ghaz, because you’re so beautiful. And that wasn’t easy. Like, I have to be honest to this day when my mother doesn’t agree with me and my father, it’s really hard for me. Like, I just feel this ah! You know? Like even when we disagree on the vaccine or the virus, and that’s not their background, it’s my background. I still can’t. It’s this pressure. So, I know that was such an amazing step. But look at what that brought you. So much happiness and three beautiful kids and tell us the name… you wrote a book. I’ve read half the book. I love the book. I cry when I read parts of it. I haven’t told you that. I have it actually by my bed in my room, but share with people the name of your book and just a little bit. I hate that I have these podcasts, especially this episode. It’s way too short, but please tell the audience because I’m…
Dr. Jabeen [00:32:57] So Martin and I were married for twenty-five years, and in the year of our twenty fifth silver wedding anniversary, we had some news that Martin sadly was diagnosed with cancer and it was terminally ill and it was pancreatic cancer. And Martin’s last wish was that I raise awareness for this deadly cancer that no family should be in this really difficult time, he said. The cancer bit don’t scare me the biggest scare is telling my children that dad is no longer going to be in their life when they needed dad for always. And he said, and I said, what am I going to do with my life when I have my hour of darkness? He said, You never will. You have been the light for loads and you will always have light. You’ll never worry, always the light will be there and I will always be watching for you. And when he gave me his blessings even before he died and he said, and if someone in your life comes in your life to share the love and embrace, you know that part of your life, if it feels right, embrace it. Don’t fight it. You have my blessing to move on as well. So, Martin sadly passed away. His wish was to raise awareness for pancreatic cancer, and I decided that I was going to raise awareness, and I realized that year Niagara Falls had done the world pancreatic cancer awareness, to lighting all the lights purple for that as an iconic place. I decided what if I got iconic? Martin died in October. A month later, I decided to light up my castle on my iconic castle, and the castle became the part of the book, which is Love Live Lost, and that castle is purple because of my daughter and I. I lit that in tribute to Martin. The book is called Loved, Lived, Lost, and the subtitle is more stronger than the main title, which is in sickness and in health till death do us part. The rainbow started, we finished and still in respectful way. I carried that and the book took the journey of the most vulnerable part, is how do you share with somebody? The most intimate goodbye forever for something that she loved. It’s very difficult, because there were more tears on that page than it was when I wrote it. And to this day, people still we’re… sorry. That’s it, except when you look at the journey where you come from to where you are. People still don’t realize the hurt that still resides within you and you kind of mend that heart is like even a vase that breaks. You can mend it but it ain’t the same because the scars are still there. You make life what it is. The book was really… because I had become ill through grieving and working through the campaign raised over £11000. It took a team of people to Mount Snowdon, the highest tallest mountain in England and Wales, to do a[inaudible] to Martin and say You left a wish. I fulfill that. I’ve raised awareness I couldn’t go no higher I couldn’t go, no wider and I couldn’t put a better tribute to a castle lit up in your name and a book that carries a tribute to our love captured in the most special space that every page people turn will see the message of a life that’s gone by and how much the precious part of life is when we don’t know when the final goodbye happens. So, the book went number one bestseller because I had a beautiful fan base of people that had been part of the journey, part of the thing, and it was never done for making no money. It was made and written for three things one, a tribute to the dear love I lost and his last wish; two, to raise awareness of the actual cancer and for people to know more about the symptoms and the education of health issues. And three was to be the voice of those that never got heard. And that was a message to say, Don’t confuse symptoms. Don’t confuse misdiagnosis. Don’t just resort to somebody telling you, It’s only this. Because Martin was diagnosed 15 times, misdiagnosed 15 times. But by the time they actually did the final diagnosis, it was too late. And that was the message, that don’t ignore the body’s genius way of telling us there’s a bit more behind the scenes than what you’re seeing with just this. So that was that and the book was done. And for something that have come through the journey and one of the things Martin said is, Ghazala, you’ve got bigger stages and bigger platforms and bigger spotlights for you to share the message of who you are, what you’ve become, what you want, the light that you shine around the world. And he said, Go on it because I’m right by you always. And coming from my story, from suppression to fighting for education to creating an impression to the way that I’ve evolved in my journey as working hard on myself, my education, my work, my love and respect for everyone out there to be recognized now on a global scale as one of the most successful women around the world, and to be recognized in a story that’s creating from suppression to education, fighting for education and now creating educational programs to helping to teach people, that part of it was my journey where I’m at. And then, of course, along came the Cyprus thing. So, I’m going to move on from that chapter to this one now.
Dr. Rahm [00:38:08] Well, first of all, I got to tell you, I don’t know any other women that are at the top 100 most successful women. And knowing you though Ghaz, when I think of you because I should have mentioned that in the beginning, and actually after I talked about you, I thought, oh my gosh, I’ve got to mention, you know what she’s done and who she is. Your kindness and your heart and your beautiful strength, you know, it comes through and it just encompasses everything that you do. It’s the one reason well, the main reason I’m so comfortable you’re in the situation that we were doing in Cyprus to help people with products on the nutraceutical and pharmaceutical space that can really help people and you’re a beautiful partner. Jorgen and Dori are part of that journey, of course, too. But it’s your heart and your spirit that I feel that make me feel safe.
Dr. Jabeen [00:39:01] Thank you so much, Christina. That means a lot and led from a heart space and true space because like I said, we come with nothing, we go with nothing. And if we can pay it forward in the space that we are here breathing our space to make a difference to other people, to me, that’s very precious and very special and to have you part of our journey to do that and great minds like that and great work that we bring together to merge to the better of other people. That’s the really true servant driven leadership I believe in.
Dr. Rahm [00:39:31] Yet you’re the only person Ghaz that I’ve ever been completely open with about, you know, I’ve had a long life. It’s been a hard life and sometimes I’m exhausted by it. I hate to even say that because I don’t want to represent a person that’s exhausted, but it’s a lot to be strong and to not give up. But you inspire me to, to understand I have a lot more I need to give because we have a world that needs people that can give them hope that can give them strength. And I just want to thank you for being who you are because I swear the tag line “Life is Tough but You can be Tougher,” I don’t know if there is anyone else who encompasses that more than you who I’ve met on this earth.
Dr. Jabeen [00:40:13] Thank you so much for that. Those beautiful words, and I appreciate that.
Dr. Rahm [00:40:18] We have a lot to do together, but… We’re going to cry together, we’re going to laugh together. You’re also a bolly instructor, right?
Dr. Jabeen [00:40:31] Bollywood, I mean, Bollywood isn’t. Isn’t that the funniest? I mean, to have started known as Ghazala to being the Bollywood queen, because…
Dr. Rahm [00:40:39] That’s what I’ve heard. I mean, like, is this the same Ghaz that I know, the business woman of the year?
Dr. Jabeen [00:40:47] It is the most funny thing that when you fight in all this fight, and a Pakistani girl. India and Pakistan fight each other, I’m a Pakistani girl, do an Indian dance in a western soil. I mean, how many more barriers can you break?
Dr. Rahm [00:41:01] You’re going to be breaking a few more when you go to Cyprus.
Dr. Jabeen [00:41:05] My position is…
Dr. Rahm [00:41:06] When are you going there by the way, Ghaz?
Dr. Jabeen [00:41:08] Pardon?
Dr. Rahm When are you going to Cyprus?
Dr. Jabeen So, I am… I’m going to try and get there before you. But I think at this rate, we’ll be fighting to quickly get over there. So, I said to Jorgen, I’ve gone through some of the other stuff here that I need to. So, I think we’re just literally talking now within the next few weeks to get over there. That’s the main plan now is to get over there. August is… I was speaking only yesterday to Juergen. So, for people that are listening in here, when you don’t expect that love is going to come again in your life in five years, you haven’t opened your heart and you shut the world out. And then along comes a Viking is like a Viking on a horse, like it is traveling along and he’s found this Pakistani girl and he’s like that to me. He reached up because of the book. That’s interesting, because that was through the book. Yeah, it was through the book that Juergen came along, and he was… He was saying how much he was moved by the book to emotional tears with it because it meant a lot about it and the story within it. And that’s where the connection happened. Then he was telling me about Cyprus, about this project and creating a research center. And I just was fascinated that a place like this would exist. It was like safe haven of a place that people want to dream and want to be at. And I was just from moment one, day one, of conversation one. Cyprus was on the map and all this that has evolved. And then when Dori came in our life, Dori is such a special person in what she’s done and where she is and how I connected with her. And I felt her energy and she said, we can do this and we do… I said, you know, this is what we need, is this type of energy that people go get as doers and really making a change. And then when she told us the amazing things about you and her emotion, the way she spoke about you and I was like, OK, when are we getting Christina or Nicole? And we also clicked like the jigsaw piece came together in a beautiful way because we were in alignment with our values and the want to make a change. But from a heart led space, you know?
Dr. Rahm [00:43:04] Oh, yeah, I was actually in Florida the first time I talked to you about another project, and I think you may remember that. And that made me not want to do the other project. You know, I had all these different things happening that I was very unsure about. And I remember saying, I’m sure about this, like, I just know it’s kind of like falling in love, right? You know? And I knew that this was something that was going to work on, and I know it’s time for us to wrap up. But I want to say this Ghaz. We’re going to have many talks like this, and you have so many stories to share. I don’t know. I can’t even imagine. I don’t know anyone else who has been through what you’ve been through and this level of success you’ve obtained. I do believe it’s so you can even help more people. So thank you so much for the opportunity to be your friend and to seriously be in each other’s life and on this journey, because I’m like you. At the end of the day, it’s our hearts and what we are with humanity sharing that matters. And I hope we find a place of peace among the chaos where we can help even more people. And I think Cyprus is that place. So, thank you so much. I’m going to end this episode of Scientifically Beautiful. This has been an amazing episode and journey, and I can’t wait to see you guys on the next episode of Scientifically Beautiful where we go to the next chapter of what’s getting ready to happen throughout the world. Thank you so much.